Archive for January 5th, 2008

Silver Spoon vs. Mentoring

   Suppose you were a youngster just graduating from high school and you had a choice between money or advice for your graduation present; which would you choose? Most young people would take the money. How’s about we take a closer look at what money without good mentoring usually results in. Lottery winners or benefactors of an inheritance, regardless of size, on average hold on to their windfall for less than two years. Theoretically, they should have enough for the rest of their lifetime, and for the generations that follow. What becomes of all that money without the advice necessary to utilize it? It gets spent instead of invested, that’s what.

   The truth is most people have no experience managing money. They fall victim to shysters or follow their heart straight into disaster. Family and friends become their first lines of default. Everyone has needs. It is damn hard to say no, especially when it is all you have heard during your own lifetime. Spoiling people may very well be a tragic flaw intrinsic to good and well meaning people everywhere. Once a winner has run the immediate gamut of close friends and relatives, and assuming they still have something left, they are subsequently overwhelmed with opportunities from A to Z. Without the experience to deal with the next wave of prospectors inevitably lining up, most people throw up their hands and just “trust” someone. Again, that seldom has a good ending. Easy come, easy go as the old sage says.

   Now let’s look at someone who, at first glance, seems less fortunate. This person has never won anything in his life. The only path open to this person appears to be a life of hard work and struggle. However, this person has a friend or relative wise in the ways of the world. As this person grows, he is faced with the myriad of challenges we all face in life. This person doesn’t have the option to throw money at his problems; he must work his way through them. He has one ace in his corner however. He knows someone who has been through the gamut before. As the challenges line up before him in life he has backup. He can count on good advice from a trustworthy source. As for me, a mentor is presumably a good or best friend so the two rules for mentoring in life were the following:

As a mentor of mine, never lie to me, and,

As a mentor of mine, if I am ever in need of it, promise to give me your best advice or none at all.

   These may seem banal, or obvious beyond belief, but most people, if lucky, can count on one hand the number of people they meet in life who could measure up to these simple tests. For example, I have had friends who, I am quite certain, would have taken a bullet for me. However, I couldn’t trust them with my wife or girlfriend. I have had friends I could count on with women, but I wouldn’t dare trust them with my money. And then there is the friend who sees an opportunity to advance his interests by a slight misdirection in advice to me. The old do this, or don’t do that type of advice which subtly redirects my prospects south while his go north. It is human nature. We simply can’t get over our own interests, which fact tends to add bias to our well meaning advice.

   So, in conclusion, if I were I given the choice between money or a good mentor I would choose the mentor. With a good and unbiased advisor all things are possible; with one small caveat. First give me the good sense to recognize good advice, and the strength to follow it. Good advice coupled with good intentions still adds up to zero without follow-thru.

Bob Parmelee                 Parmsplace