Archive for November 26th, 2007

     Most people have heard whispers for decades about more fuel efficient carburetors which can deliver huge increases in mileage. The geniuses (or lucky stumblers) who discover these boons to all mankind sell the patents for a few million bucks to leave the life of a poor starving inventor behind. The giant corporations who purchase the technology sit on it because, the theory goes, they are better off preserving the status quo. Retooling or retro-fitting is expensive, but that is not the reason. The real reason is because the major stock owners also own stock in related industries, like oil and gas. The combined losses from declines in sales of those products would result in stock price reductions which would far outweigh the gain in their GM stock.

     Another great conspiracy involves the JFK assassination. According to many researchers and lawyers close to the situation at the time, the mob was responsible for Kennedy’s death. The theory holds that the mob had developed a huge gambling mecca 90 miles offshore in Havana, Cuba. They were looking to the president to invade Cuba to insure against the loss of their holdings. When Kennedy called off the Bay of Pigs invasion they lost millions, so to preserve their reputation, the president had to go.

     As horrific and disgusting as these scenarios would be, if true, they didn’t directly affect the bulk of humanity at the time. Sure we would have had more money in our pockets and would breathe cleaner air. But most of us don’t belly up to the blackjack table in a big way, and air quality wasn’t a very big concern back then. Besides, a few greedy CEOs enriching their shareholders at the expense of the many is no new news: Heck, it’s the American Way. But what if there was a cure for the greatest scourge to mankind in history, cancer? Is it conceivable that the giant drug companies would sit on something like that?

     According to Jenny Thompson, director of the Health Sciences Institute, they can, and do. Researchers at the Institute have shown that extracts from a tree deep in the Amazon Jungle (of course) can safely attack cancer without causing debilitating side effects like severe nausea or hair and weight loss. The reason this miracle tree’s extracts are not available is simple. After years of trying, at a cost in the millions, the drug company wasn’t able to synthesize the protein responsible for the beneficial effects. Because the tree’s extracts are completely natural and therefore unpatentable under federal law, the company saw no way to make a killing on its discovery. Further, an inexpensive solution to the world’s number one health problem would undermine the giant revenue streams from other, albeit inferior, products already in place. From a corporate standpoint the only course of action was to bury the research. Releasing such a breakthrough would be akin to committing corporate suicide by the captains in charge.

     How many people die in vain, or in pain, is not on the radar screen of a corporate chief. Only profit matters and protecting the bottom line is job one. But wouldn’t it be nice to imagine a saner world where people mattered more than money? A world where the goodwill that came from self-sacrificing deeds and acts of charity weighed as heavily as cash in the bank? In fact, isn’t the area of health care a proper place for the government to invest our billions? Instead of being stewards of the weapons of mass destruction, shouldn’t governments everywhere concentrate on improving the welfare of their citizens? In a sane world would a government invest 1800 billions of dollars in a useless war of destruction abroad and deny its own citizens 18 billion dollars for the health care of its most needy children? Isn’t it time we reordered our priorities?
            Bob Parmelee

The Maid asked for a raise.
The Madam was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want an increase?”
Maria: “Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Madam: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “The Master said so.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Madam: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?”
Maria: “The Master did.”
Madam: “Oh.”
Maria: “My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”
Madam (very upset now): “Did the Master say so as well?”
Maria: “No Madam, the gardener did.”
SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE